


I'll Be Your Man

by timeflies



Series: First Love [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 21:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8594587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeflies/pseuds/timeflies
Summary: She’s the sun, and Jumin is the winter that longs for her.





	

(“ _Every time I realize how precious you are to me, I have to fight. So many thoughts of you roam around inside my head. The anxiety, happiness, fear, pleasure, anger, and love... all related to you.”_ )

 

 

 

**-**

 

 

**< C A G E  >**

 

 

 

Winter has come.

Jumin wakes up to find the other side of the bed has gone cold, which brings him to hastily get up in order to seek for the missing occupant. He finds her sitting on the floor in the living room, facing the bay window that offers the greatest landscape of the city. Clads only in her favorite sweater on top of her underwear, she has Elizabeth the 3rd snuggling comfortably on her lap to warm her thighs. Her eyes widen in enchantment as they focus on the scenery outside, where the snow slowly piles up to cover Seoul in plain white.

The sight is so terrifyingly picturesque.

Like an angel longing for freedom.

She’s watching the snow almost way too intensely, to the point that she doesn’t take her eyes off even when Jumin quietly sits behind her, securing his arms around her lithe figure.

“Don’t you know that, if you make a wish when the first snow falls, your wish will come true?” She sighs dreamily. As she leans back to rest her head on Jumin’s shoulder, Jumin buries his nose into her hair, closing his eyes and let her warmth comforts the anxiety that forms a nauseating feel in his throat. It always happens whenever she leaves the bed first, a little secret that he has been keeping to himself.

_She’s still here. She hasn’t flown away._

_Yet._

“I’ve never heard of such myth, but should we try?”

Lifting her head up, she then greets Jumin with a gentle smile on her lips. Jumin looks down to mirror her smile and places a light kiss on the tip of her nose.

“Yes, we should. Close your eyes and make a wish, love.”

Jumin complies, closing his eyes. For someone that everyone assume has everything in his palms, he has a ridiculous amount of wish to be granted. _Her happiness, her comfort, her health, her smile, her laughter_ _—_

_For her to always stay by his side._

Jumin slowly opens his eyes to find his wife already staring at him. She has her back against the window now; Elizabeth the 3rd sans from her lap. As her hands travel up to cup his jaw, she leans in to press her lips against Jumin’s own. Jumin responds with sneaking his arms around her waist and pulls her closer, pressing his lips back with an equal amount of desire. She obediently opens her mouth when Jumin licks her lips, and he wastes no time to burn their lungs by stealing each other’s breath.

A fair shade of scarlet glows on her cheeks when they unwillingly pull away, and Jumin finds himself in no better state as it is reflected on her eyes. She then pushes Jumin down to the floor and scrambles to straddle his stomach, before leaning in to engage their lips in another deep kiss. Jumin hums in content, weaving a free hand through her soft, long hair while the other stays on the back of her head, desperately wanting her to be far, _far_ closer than _this_.

“Jumin,” She whispers brokenly in between kisses. “Jumin.”

“Yes, princess?” Jumin rasps. Pulling away, he trails small kisses from the corner of her mouth to her jaw, down to her neck, and settles to mouth on her throat. She whimpers and tilts her head to give him a better access, rolling her hips sensually while doing so. Jumin groans, biting the side of her neck when she refuses to stop, and he is suddenly aware of the arousal that settles prominently in between his legs. His wife leans back to press her hands on Jumin’s chest for support, all while desperately rubbing against him. Jumin decides to take the lead; placing his hands or her waist and pay her tease back by also rolling his hips. She moans in respond, biting her lower lip as Jumin continues to grind against her lower body.

“Want to go back to bed?” She asks in between her harsh breath, a wicked smile is present despite her beautifully disheveled state. There is a fire dancing in her eyes, and Jumin wishes for nothing but to burn with it.

He wants to ruin her, all while loving and worshiping every bit of her. He wants her to want him desperately, as desperate as he is for her.

“Absolutely.”

 

 

-

 

 

Jumin wakes up to his wife still in his embrace this time, bare skin against each other and legs tangled under the thick duvet. He can feel her breath, soft and steady, against his chest, and it gives a sense of solitude for him, knowing that she’s still there, alive and well. Her body is feverish compared to his, which provides more than enough warmth than the heater during cold seasons.

He runs his fingers along the side of her face, carefully as to not wake her up, and brushes the stray strands of hair off her face. She looks so peaceful like this, so innocent and vulnerable under his touch. Knowing how much trust that she has in him always makes his heart clench and overflows with love, all for her, only for her.

Jumin moves his hand lower, down from her neck to her waist, before tracing the curve of her back. There are times when he dreams of her growing majestic white wings, just like angels in the tales he read when he was a kid. She always looks so breathtakingly beautiful, walking towards him in the midst of falling white petals. The image always looks so vivid that Jumin wonders if maybe, maybe it was never a product of his imagination. They are always inside a huge, white cage in every single of his dream, with a golden key of the gate dangling freely from his pocket.

But she never attempts to take it, let alone flying away.

It aches him somehow.

_What have my selfish self done, keeping an angel flightless like this? The cage might be pretty, and her smile is nothing but loving, but is she truly happy?_

“Good morning.”

Jumin jolts slightly when her voice calls him out of his own reverie, and he looks down to meet her sleepy gaze.

“It’s a bit late for that now, but good morning to you too, love.”

She responds with a light chuckle, scooting up to place a chaste kiss on her lover’s lips, and goes back to snuggle his chest. “What time is it now?”

Jumin turns a little to look at the clock hanging on the wall behind him. “It’s a little past eleven.”

“Pretty early for Sundays.” She concludes. “Go back to sleep, Jumin. You’ve worked hard all week. You deserve to be lazy on holidays.”

“I need to cherish this moment to stare at you as long as possible though, since I can’t do it much on work days.” Jumin replies with a lopsided grin, fingers teasingly draw patterns on her back. She looks up, attempting to look unamused, but a smile breaks when Jumin nuzzles her nose affectionately.

“However,” He adds, “I’ll take up on the offer if it includes unlimited cuddling session.”

“I’m already cuddling you, you spoiled polar bear.” His wife giggles. Heat slowly warms Jumin’s cheeks up as she presses herself much closer. With no clothing barrier between them, he can feel the softness of her body much better, which is a stark contrast with his own sturdy one.

“You are so cold that it worries me, so I’ll have to warm you up at every chance that I have.”

“You know not only to warm me up, but to also set my whole body on fire, princess.” Jumin smirks teasingly. “You have that kind of power. It has been scientifically proven, but only this scientist knows it perfectly well.”

An embarrassed squeak slips past her lips, and she weakly slaps her husband’s chest.

“I swear to God, Jumin. Tomorrow, I’m going to make Elizabeth step all over your suits fifteen minutes before you have to leave, and I won’t help you get rid of the scattered furs.”

Jumin pretends to think seriously for a few moments, before nonchalantly shrugs; a boyish grin brightens his face up. “Well, I guess it can’t be helped then. If I don’t have my suit, then I can go to work, which brings me to a situation where I must stay at home with my lovely wife. It’s a winning situation for me. Actually, I’ll make Elizabeth do that myself tomorrow.”

He gets an annoyed huff in respond, which only fuels him to tease her more.

“Princess, you might want to get some more sleep. I kept you awake for quite a long time, after all. I’ll be awake to watch over you.”

“Quit it, Jumin.” She grumbles, an adorable blush colored her cheeks. “What did you wish for, by the way?”

Jumin intelligently blinks at the sudden change of topic, but replies anyway, “I wished for quite a lot. God must think I’m greedy.”

She raises an eyebrow, pushing him to continue. “How greedy can this one be?”

“Probably beyond the limit.” Jumin returns, stroking his wife’s cheek with the back of his hand. His lips are stretched into an adoring smile when she closes her eyes and leans in to the touch, while his gaze softens and is soon replaced by longing as he whispers the last words, “Most importantly, I asked God to never take you away from me.”

She flutters her eyes open, and Jumin can see the yearning that lingers there.

“But I’m not going anywhere.” She says, voice cracking slightly. “At least not to a place where you don’t exist.”

“Thank you, love,” Jumin leans in to press a kiss on her forehead, “For staying with me.”

She adamantly shakes her head. “Don’t ever thank me for my own choices.”

Jumin wraps his arms around her, feeling her body tremble slightly, either from the cold, or holding back tears. A pang of guilt pierces his heart, making his stomach churns, and momentarily, he feels sick of himself.

Fear sure is an uncomfortable feeling.

“Princess?”

“Hmm?”

“Why don’t we take a bath and eat after that? We can have brunch while watching the snow.”

She hums in agreement and lifts her head, her whole face lightens up at the mention of snow. “Sounds good.”

“Alright.” Jumin reluctantly let go of her to get off the bed. Turning around, he finds his lover still sitting on the bed, eyes wide and hands stretched out toward him. A warm blush involuntarily spreads from his cheeks down to his neck at possibly the cutest sight he has ever witnessed.

She tilts her head and bats her long eyelashes, a sly smile soon betrays her innocent gesture.

“Carry me, Jumin? Or should I call you… _master_?” She challenges, her soft voice goes deeper as she emphasizes the last word.

_Master._

It never fails to amaze him how she knows which switch to press perfectly well.

“Oh my, does my little kitten want to be spoiled today? I can give you whatever you want, kitten.” Jumin challenges back as he leans in to scoop his wife up. She immediately clings onto Jumin as though her life depends on him, and buries her face into the side of her husband’s neck; breathing him in.

“Mmhm. Will my master do it?”

“Anything my pretty kitten wants, I will try my best to grant it.”

“Master is always so good to me.” She giggles, lazily nuzzling her husband’s neck. “Always makes me feel loved.”

Jumin chuckles lightly as he carefully situates his wife on the bathroom countertop. “My kitten deserves nothing but utmost affection.”

“Then, master, want to know what I wished for?”

Her hands teasingly travel from her lover’s waist up to his neck, all gentle and ticklish, before opting to cup his cheeks. Jumin closes his eyes and presses his forehead against hers, their lips merely an inch apart.

“Yes please, kitten.” He demands, although rather than commanding, it sounds nearly fearful instead. “What did my pretty kitten tell the snow?”

She brushes her lips against Jumin’s own, and whispers,

_“I wished for you, to find your true happiness,”_

Before closing the gap between them.

_“I want you to find happiness.”_

 

 

-

 

 

“I hate Mondays.”

Jumin chuckles at the honest remark, and continue staring as his wife grumpily fixes his tie.

“Okay, scratch that. I hate that I have to wake up knowing I need to see you off. I want to laze around all day with you.” Furrowing her eyebrows, she immediately takes Jumin’s hands in hers after she’s done with his tie. Her frown only deepens when she gives her husband’s icy hands a light squeeze. “You are so cold.”

“I hate that I have to leave you too, love.” Heaving a sigh, Jumin then envelopes her hands with his, and brings them close to his lips to kiss every knuckle. “Maybe I really should make Elizabeth step all over my suits so I can be your personal lazy bear.”

A gleeful smile briefly shows on her face, before it morphs into a frown again. “Let’s not make Jaehee suffer alone. Besides, I can’t be selfish. The company needs their most talented and most beloved Han Jumin to survive.”

“But their most talented and most beloved Han Jumin only needs one person, though.” Jumin tilts his head, an innocent act that contradicts the smug smile on his face. “He only needs you, and he wants you to be selfish.”

Deep shade of scarlet tinted her cheeks. “Oh God. Seriously.” His wife weakly attempts to hit his chest in order to hide the embarrassment, only to no avail. Jumin laughs softly and pulls her to his embrace instead, and she wraps her arms around him as an automatic respond.

Closing his eyes, Jumin then presses a kiss to the top of her head, before moving lower to graze his lips against her temple.

_She’s so warm._

“I have to go now, love.”

“Stay safe.” She mumbles dejectedly in reply. “I’m going to miss you so much. Stay warm, polar bear.”

“I’m going to miss you too, sunshine.”

 

 

-

 

 

_“Miss Kang, is it true that Mr. Han’s wife actually owns a company and she married Mr. Han to save her business?”_

_“No.”_

_“Then, Miss Kang, do you happen to know if she truly is a secret corporate heir from abroad? Is that why her background is being kept as a classified information?”_

Jaehee sighs, rubbing her temple to soothe the headache from all these ridiculous questions.

_“No. And her background is well protected because she wishes for no invasion to her privacy.  I’m sorry but I must end this call now. Good afternoon.”_

_“Miss Kang wait—“_

Jaehee slams the phone down furiously. The reporters and curious calls have lessen in the past month, but having to deal with each of them still annoys her nonetheless, especially with how ridiculous their questions are.

Sighing heavily, Jaehee rises from her seat as she comes to a conclusion that more coffee from the minimarket downstairs is absolutely needed. She is halfway passing through the office aisle when she hears some muffled voices, belong to both men and women, from the employee break room. Jaehee shrugs it off, acknowledging how people love to gossip at every chance possible, and is about to leave until familiar names reach her ears. Frowning, she decides to lean against the door and eavesdrops.

 

_“You know, I wonder how it feels to be Mr. Han’s wife. It must be nice to have an unlimited access to his wealth.”_

_“Now that you mention it, isn’t it weird that they got married so quickly? I heard they got married only two months after meeting each other. No matter how you think about it, isn’t it too fast?”_

_“I know right! It’s quite amazing how a wedding that grand only took two months of preparation though.”_

_“I don’t think time is the problem here. What confuses me the most is, why would Mr. Han want to marry a commoner when he has countless better women after his tail?”_

_“You’re just jealous he completely ignored your attempt to seduce him. Although to be fair, he completely ignored everyone. He’s a damned dense gold mine.”_

_“I think most people that have common sense would want to try to pursue him. Imagine waking up in a luxurious place, with a handsome husband next to you, and simply having to ask for jewelries if you want to. That’s a real dream come true, especially if he’s pretty much a loser for you too.”_

_“I’m actually really suspicious of his wife. Mr. Han might truly love her, judging from all the stuffs that he had publicly said in the past. But I bet his wife is a real sly fox. She must have had her own way to persuade Mr. Han into marriage.”_

_“That’s what I’m saying! She’s probably just acting all nice and innocent so Mr. Han falls for her, and now she’s enjoying his wealth to the max. How envious!”_

_“Hey did any of you see the new article? Rumor says that she’s actually marrying him to expand her own no name company business! Wouldn’t she be no different with Sarah then?”_

_“Well, at least Sarah was forward with her cunning act. I hate sheep who act all innocent the most. They’ll most likely stab your back when you least expected it.”_

_“Hey, none of you feel my pain! I literally asked Kang Jaehee what Mr. Han’s ideal type is, and guess what she said?! Silver hair and blue eyes! I almost bleached and possibly fried my hair! Ugh.”_

_“She said that? But Mr. Han’s current wife has neither silver hair nor blue eyes though.”_

_“Current, you are talking as if he’s going to switch woman anytime soon.”_

_“He might as well be. Just look at his dad! Who knows he might have it in him right? A womanizer blood is.”_

Jaehee scoffs and decides to put an end to their unbeneficial discussion. She kicks the door open, which startles all the employees inside, before menacingly scans around the room. Three men and three women, all from different departments, are staring back at her with horror within their eyes, mouths agape in shock.

“If you have the time to gossip, maybe I should move the deadline from tomorrow to today, 6:00 P.M sharp.” Jaehee says monotonously despite her icy glare. “And I’m going to double the reports that each of you have to attend immediately. Expect the e-mail containing the additional tasks in fifteen minutes.”

The pure look of disdain in their faces almost makes Jaehee snicker, _almost_. She only raises an eyebrow as they collectively groan before scurrying away.  

“Assistant Kang.”

Jaehee winces and deliberately turns around, gasping quietly when her fear is confirmed by Jumin himself.

_‘How long has he been standing there? Did he hear everything they said?’_

“Yes, Mr. Han?”

“I need a summary of the last meeting within two hours, can you do it? Or at least, by the end of the day is alright.”

“I have finished it, actually. I was about to deliver it to your office as soon as lunch break is over.”

“Alright, then.” Jumin nods, smilingly faintly. “Thank you, Assistant Kang. I know I can always count on you.”

For a moment, Jaehee feels like the gratitude isn’t for her quick work, but for something else.

 

 

-

 

 

Princess, how are you doing?

 

 

I’m good! Currently sorting the guest list for the next party.

I feel like inviting more environment related organizations.

Oh and I miss you! When are you coming home?

 

 

I shall expect no less from my hardworking wife.

I miss you too, so much.

I’ll be home in an hour, will you wait for me?

 

 

Absolutely!

 

 

Anyway… do you want jewelries?

 

 

Why all of sudden?

 

Just wondering.

I can get some for you if you want to.

 

 

No, please just come home soon.

It’s really cold outside… I hope it’s warm in the office.

I can’t wait to cuddle with you ^^

 

 

Are you sure you don’t want some?

Me too. It’s warm here, but not the same as hugging you.

 

 

Jumin, really. I don’t need anything.

I’m the happiest whenever I can welcome you home.

Besides, they are a hassle. Lol.

 

 

Alright then.

But do you perhaps have something else that you want?

 

 

Actually, yes.

 

 

What is it?

I can buy you anything.

Just tell me.

 

 

It’s not something that can be bought with money.

It’s… My husband.

Please quickly bring my husband back.

I miss him so much~ TT

 

 

...

I just love you so much.

Please wait for me.

 

 

^^

I love you too, polar bear.

Get home safely! I’ll be waiting.

 

 

-

 

 

Jumin steps into the penthouse, but to his dismay, only darkness welcomes him. He stops on his track as worry unmercifully clouds his mind. After taking a deep breath, he then proceeds to call for his wife.

No answer.

He can feel his heart hammers wildly, but still forces himself to take another step further despite the growing fear that nearly immobilizes him. A mess of negative possibilities form a sickening monster that is gnawing at his stomach, and he simply wants nothing but to throw it up.

_She won’t leave him. She won’t leave him. She won’t leave him—_

Jumin sighs in relief when he finds her curling up on the sofa in the living room, sleeping with her phone clutched in her hands. The TV is still on as the only source of light, and the way it falls on her form makes all the tension leave his body all at once. So sudden that his knees grow week, and he has to lumber towards the sofa.

Elizabeth the 3rd, who had been snuggling against his wife’s stomach, notices the new presence and jumps from the sofa to rub her cheek against her owner’s leg. Jumin smiles weakly and crouches down, caressing Elizabeth the 3rd’s fur gently as she purrs in respond.

“You were keeping her company, weren’t you?” He coos, tickling her chin lightly. “You did well, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth the 3rd looks up and meows softly. Jumin gives her one last rub on the chin before turning his attention back to his wife, shuffling closer to sit on the carpet. He shakily lifts his hand, ever so carefully stroking her hair as to not disturb her deep slumber. She’s a heavy sleeper, and her breathing is always almost too quite when she sleeps, which gives an impression that she’s a sleeping beauty that will never wake up again.

Despite how astounding the imagery is, a large part of him is frightened by the thought. He, after all, first fell in love with the honesty in her eyes, how the ocean within them is deep with adoration, and how honey and affection always flow endlessly.

She stirs slightly when Jumin strokes her cheek, making him awkwardly freeze for a split second, before falling back into deep sleep. He sighs in relief and continues stroking her face as soon as her breath is steady again.

“How can people talk so badly about you?” Jumin mutters, as quietly as possible. “How can people talk so badly about you, when they don’t even know how much just the thought of losing you scare me?"

It’s truly baffling how there are people that stereotype her for who she chose to fall in love with. How there are people that dare to categorize as a gold digger, the group that is a true anathema to him.

Sighing deeply, Jumin gingerly traces the side of her face with a finger. “You reach out your hand without expecting anything in return, you listen to me and nod... And you've accepted things about me that others refused. Yet those others, are also the ones that disregard your kindness.”

He is beyond enraged.

They’ve been married only for two months now, and it’s been four months since their first meeting. It’s such a short time, but compared to the last 26 years that he had spent alone, he has never felt the happiest.

And he wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

_After knowing the taste of heaven, the ugly demon inside you will wake up and cling onto the last bit of it desperately._

“Jumin?”

Jumin flinches and instinctively pulls his hand away. He watches in silence as his wife flutters her eyes open, a sleepy smile slowly graces her face when she sees her husband’s face.

“You are home.” She says drowsily, trying her best to keep her heavy lids from closing. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

“It’s okay, love. You can go back to sleep if you want to.” Jumin ensures, leaning in to press a kiss on her forehead.  “I’ll carry you to the bedroom.”

Shaking her head, she struggles to rise and sit on the sofa. “No, now that you are home, I want to stay up.” She convinces, and looks down to where her husband is sitting on the carpeted floor. A frown immediately forms on her face. Jumin is about to get up when a pair of warm hands suddenly cups his jaw; her thumbs ever so gently caressing his cheeks.

“Jumin…” She says hesitantly, staring at him with concern. “You are crying.”

Jumin blinks his eyes repeatedly, only realizing just now how his vision has gone almost blurry. He shamefully buries his face into his lover’s lap, forcefully tamping down the deluge of emotions that clog his throat to stop the tears. It becomes vain when he can feel the familiar feather-light touch as his wife runs her fingers through his hair, ruffling it as lightly as possible.

It’s the first time he cries like a child.

“I’m sorry.” He manages to say, cringing at how hoarse he sounds. “I just. I just missed you too much.”

Jumin knows how weak his excuse is, but he’s glad when his wife simply hums; deciding not to press the matter further. She continues stroking his head, patiently waiting until Jumin stops shaking.

“It’s okay, don’t feel sorry. I love you, Jumin.”

And Jumin only answers by clinging onto her tighter, as though she is his only salvation.

 

 

-

 

 

Jaehee… did something happen at work?

 

 

Is something wrong?

 

No… it’s just

Jumin seems far more tired than usual

He’s sleeping now though, so no worries!

 

 

Oh…

There were more meetings than usual.

Hence more workload.

 

 

I see

Thank you, Jaehee ^^

Rest well. Don’t skip meal!

 

 

Thank you ^^ Rest well to you too.

 

 

-

 

 

_(Every crack starts small…)_

 

 

That night, Jumin dreams.

He’s standing inside the majestic cage once again, with his beloved standing just before him. A pair of beautiful white wings spread out from her back, the same as the ones that had frequently appeared before. She looks so ethereal, and so dreadfully vulnerable, with her eyes closed and skin fairly translucent under the dim light. Jumin wants to reach out, but he fears that she will disappear into nothingness if he dares to. He misses her so much even in his dreams, and so stupidly in love even when she’s merely a fragment of his surreal imagination.

He’s so caught up in his own dilemma that he fails to realize how the demon have wrapped themselves around him, engulfing him in suffocating coldness while laughing hysterically. They are not pretty, but not ugly either. They are simply darkness that brings out the weakest part of humans to be trampled.

 _“For how long are you going to stay selfish and take her happiness away, silly human?”_

_“As long as I can make her happy.”_

An ear-splitting laugh pierces the air. _“How contradictive, you are. And you think you can?”_

_“I… “_

_“Isn’t what happened today a solid proof that you are the source of the stigma?”_ They retort, almost sound offended. _“If it weren’t for you, she’d be happy. She’d probably marry someone coming from a normal background and live a peaceful life. It’s because she chose you that everything comes to this point.”_

_“But I—“_

_“You promised her a normal relationship, but have you ever taken her on a normal date? A date where you can freely walk hand-in-hand in the streets, without her getting an unwanted spotlight simply because of her status as your wife?”_

_“…”_

_“Has it ever crossed your mind, how much pressure does your selfishness put on her?”_

_“…”_

_“Humans are so selfish.”_ The demon resentfully declare. _“Once they get a touch of heaven, they let the demon inside them reign. How incredibly stupid. You went on and keep her flightless, so selfish and stupid. Look at what you have done.”_

As those words come out, Jumin witnesses his wife suddenly falls to the ground, with her wings slowly withering in the process. He lets out a shriek and slumps, fearfully hovering his hand over her skin, which gradually turns pale and dull.  

 _“…I … What should I do…”_ Jumin murmurs, scooping her lifeless body into his arms.

She’s cold.

This isn’t right.

 _“Free her.”_ The demon demand. _“Free her from the cage that you built.”_

_(…before they eventually break into million, even smaller pieces)_

 

 

_-_

 

 

An excruciating headache unforgivingly invades as Jumin struggles to open his eyes; body heavy and coated with a sheen of sweat. His breathing becomes more labored as he forces himself to stay awake, for the demon will only come back if he falls back to sleep.

“Jumin?”

He tilts his head slightly to find his wife hovering over him, worry and fear are mixed on her face. Jumin opens his mouth, but nothing other than a gravelly sound comes out.

“Ssh, it’s okay.” Brushing the sweat-sticky hair off of Jumin’s face, she leans in to press her lips against his forehead; attempting to comfort him. “Whatever happened, it was nothing but a dream, my love.”

“Did I wake you up?” Jumin asks weakly as soon as he finds his voice back.

“No, I was reading.” His lover replies with a smile and lays down beside him. Jumin rolls to his side so he can face her. The moonlight illuminates her hair, embracing her as if she’s its own embodiment. The sight itself magically eradicates the anxiety that’s been torturing him, and for a moment, it is as if tranquil and beautiful peace persists.

_So beautiful._

It reminds him of the past.

“Please never leave my sight. Please guide me through this darkness.”

Confusion takes over his wife as the words leave Jumin’s mouth, and he feels like he would be grateful if the world is willing to swallow him up whole now. He lowers his head to avoid her gaze, fearing what her reaction might be. Not only his eloquent self had used dramatic choice of words, he also sounded really weak. He promised that he will protect her, but how can he accomplish that if he is such a weakling?

But she knows, she always knows what to do. Jumin is certain of that when she takes his hands in hers, and bring them closer to her lips. Closing her eyes, she then presses her lips against the wedding ring that is nestled on his left hand; whispering,

“I will always be here, right where you can see me.”

 

 

-

 

 

**< L O S T  >**

 

 

 

It’s 9:00 P.M.

Jumin slumps deeper into the leather chair, closing his eyes as his mind wanders freely. There are abandoned reports scattered all over his desk, an untouched cup of coffee from this morning, and a pile of documents that needs his signature, but he can’t seem to focus.

It’s not like him to be this helpless, to fully be at his own anxiety’s mercy. But then again, when it comes to her, all kind of emotions that he had locked up simply break through and swirl inside his head, filling the rivers in his veins, and later drown his heart. He desperately wants her to be happy, but what if what the demon said in his dream was right? What if it’s all actually his fault? And what if by marrying her, he had unintentionally built a cage that’s been keeping her flightless?

Wouldn’t he be no different with the man that had kept her locked up for the sake of comforting his irrational fear then?

A series of knock fills the room, followed by Jaehee’s voice. Jumin side-eye his chaotic desk and groans. He’s sure Jaehee’s going to throw a fit once she finds out that he is still ignoring his duty.

“Come in.”

The door opens and Jaehee walks in. When her eyes fall onto his desk, she simply sighs and gives Jumin an unamused look.

“Mr. Han, I’m taking it as you have yet to touch any of these documents.”

Jumin lowers his head in defeat. “It seems like my productivity has decreased greatly today. I will take them home and work overnight.”

Crossing her hands on her chest, Jaehee firmly dismisses the suggestion. “No. You look distressed, Mr. Han. You should go home quickly and recharge your energy by staying with her.”

The subtle mention of his wife involuntarily brings a smile to Jumin’s face, which he quickly replaces with the usual poker face.

“That will be so unprofessional of me.”

Jaehee rolls her eyes before staring at Jumin judgingly. “I’d rather wait until tomorrow than having you force yourself to work only to make a mistake,” she states, clearly doubting her own boss’ ability as of now.

“Assistant Kang, you know very well that I never let my performance down.” Furrowing his eyebrows, Jumin mirrors his assistant’s unamused look with an equal amount of displeasure. “Even when my father forced me into marriage with that gold digger, I still worked very well.”

“But this time, it’s different.” Jaehee insists. “It involves your wife, isn’t it? That alone already speaks volume how much whatever the matter is will affect you.”

Jumin opens his mouth before closing it again, finding himself at lost for words. Jaehee’s face softens at her boss’ silence, and she quietly pulls the chair across Jumin so she can take a seat.

“Actually, she texted me last night,” She confesses, hesitant thick in her usual calm voice. “She asked if something happened at work because you seem far more tired than usual.”

Jumin’s finger twitches at that, although he manages to keep his composure. However, it didn’t go unnoticed by his highly observant assistant.

“Ah, I see.”

Jaehee nods before proceeding. “I told her that you had more meetings so you had more workload than usual. She seemed to buy it... I guess.”

“I see…” Jumin repeats. “Thank you, Assistant Kang.”

Jaehee lowers her head and fumbles with her suit, wondering if she should relieve her curiosity by asking her boss a certain question that has been bugging her. After a few moments of silence, she gathers the courage and decides to go big rather than go home.

 “Mr. Han, did you happen to listen—“

“Assistant Kang.” Jumin quickly cuts her off, as if knowing the direction of Jaehee’s question. That is a clear enough confirmation for her. “Do you frequently check news portals?”

Jaehee raises an eyebrow and shakes her head. “I don’t really have time for that. There are blogs that have compiled all Zen related articles so I don’t have to go through all the hassle.”

“Is that so…” Jumin trails off.

“Is something the matter?”

“No. How about the reporters’ calls?”

“There is a significant amount of decrease, but there are some persistent ones.” Jaehee answers dutifully.

“I see.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“No, I don’t.” Jumin stubbornly claims. “You can go home now, Assistant Kang. I’ll immediately inform you through the private message once I’m done with my work.”

Jaehee seems unconvinced, but obeys nonetheless. “Alright. Good night, Mr. Han.”

“Good night.”

 

 

-

 

 

The night has fallen as the moon gracefully rose, yet the ugly doubt in his heart has yet to flee.

Jumin paces around the living room, trying his best to tame the demon down only to pitifully end up surrendering again. He runs his fingers through his hair and carelessly messes it up, groaning lowly when the thoughts won’t go away.

Slumping in defeat against the bay window, Jumin then closes his eyes; heart pounding as his brain kindly replays the conversation that he had with Yoosung that evening.

_“Yes there are some articles about you and noona, but you should just ignore them, hyung. They’re not important.”_

_“Are they bad?”_

_“Just some baseless rumors and some jealous people. Also stuffs like how both of you overcame material and social class to be together.”_

_“Oh…”_

_“… But you know how both of you have some, uh, fans right? Like the ones that showed up at the airport to welcome you back from honeymoon? So there are good comments too.”_

_“I see.”_

_“Why are you suddenly curious about this, hyung? Is something the matter?”_

_“No. Oh, Yoosung, when was the last time you visited the penthouse?”_

_“I think around four days ago. Noona said she wants to bake some cake but can’t find the ingredients at the apartment’s hypermarket, so I bought them from the supply shop near my dorm for her.”_

_“Ah, alright then. Do you know if she has ever… stepped out from the apartment?”_

_“Huh? Not that I know since she has never mentioned it. I told her that if she wants some streets foods, she can just ask me anyway, so I usually bring them to her.”_

_“Alright. Thank you, Yoosung. Good luck with school.”_

 

And that indirectly answered his worry.

“Jumin… you are home.”

He snaps his head up to find his wife standing in the hallway, anxiously watching him. She takes one step after another cautiously, appearing to be nervous under Jumin’s blank gaze. Once she’s only a step away, Jumin wordlessly opens his arms, and his wife smiles before complying; situating herself in between his legs to embrace him.

Jumin weaves his fingers through her hair as she snuggles closer, marveling at how soft and pliant she is under his touch. He presses his lips to the top of her head, and basks himself in the safety that she offers with her presence alone.

“I’m sorry, princess. Did I wake you up?”

Opting to avoid the question, his wife looks up with a concerned look.

“Jumin, won’t you tell me what’s wrong? You’ve been looking more and more distressed…” She confronts. “You hide it very well, but you know you can’t fool me, right? You always look lost even when you are looking at me, like right now. You always seem like you have too much in mind. I didn’t say anything believing one day you will tell me, but… but will you ever?”

Jumin swallows thickly as he sits in stunned silence, finally realizing how he’s been way too caught up in his own world that he failed to take his wife’s concern into account. He should have known better. After all, he’s marrying the woman who warmed up his stone-cold heart, and understands him more than anyone else, more than he will ever do. She never asks much, nor forces Jumin to open up. Her understanding nature always waits until Jumin himself does the job.

(Until it explodes.)

“You don’t have to say anything now if you feel uncomfortable to.” She adds quickly. “But Jumin, seeing you this sad makes me feel really sad too…”

It pains him to see her like this. It pains him greatly to know that he is the cause.

“Princess… when was the last time you go out?”

She raises her eyebrows in confusion, probably not expecting the random question. “I went downstairs to buy some fruits this morning.”

“No, not that, love.” Jumin chuckles dryly before fixing his wording. “I mean, outside the apartment complex.”

To his dread, she clamps her mouth shut.

“Will you tell me why, love?”

She only answers with fidgeting nervously. Her eyes wander around to look at everything else but her husband, whose face falls at the lack of answer.

“Princess… please?” He begs. “Please tell me?”

“I… I’m scared.” She answers, voice so soft that it’s almost inaudible.

“What are you scared of, my love?”

“You told me to bring bodyguards with me if I want to go out but I… I’m not really used to all of this.” She chuckles sheepishly. “I’m not really used to having attention on me. I know you told me to be selfish but—”

“And it is my fault, isn’t it?” Jumin cuts off guiltily. “You lost your freedom because of me. You shouldn’t have married me. It’s all me. It’s because of me they think so badly of you.”

“What are you even talking about?” She retorts, voice restrained as she tries to suppress her anger. “Tell me you are joking now, Han Jumin. Don’t mention such nonsense ever again.”

“Does this marriage lock you up?”

“What—“

“Don’t you long for freedom?”

“Jumin—“

“Don’t you wish for a normal relationship instead of,” Jumin flails his hands wildly, “ _this_?”

She scowls and furiously shakes her head. “Han Jumin! You got it all wrong! What is normal, anyway? I’m happy as long as I’m with you, isn’t it mutual? Why should other irrelevant things matter?”

“They’re not irrelevant!” Jumin counters, face flushed red as frustration takes over. “I want you to be happy, I desperately want you to be happy. But won’t this suffocate you? Won’t this kind of cage suffocate you?!”

“What cage?! You’re not caging me!” Her voice starts to shake as tears gather at the corner of her eyes. “You’re not imprisoning me whatsoever!”

“I do.” Jumin whispers weakly, bringing his hands up from the space between them to cup her wet cheeks. She’s crying, and he is the cause. _He_ is the cause of her tears. “I dreamed about you, about us, locked up in cage. You always look like a beautiful, ethereal angel, and I’m just a puny human who locks you up for my own entertainment.”

“Don’t confuse your dream with reality, Jumin.” She mutters devastatingly, looking up with misery deep in her teary eyes. “Please don’t. I’m not some angel. I’m just a human. A woman that’s so deeply in love with you. Isn’t that enough?”

“But I can’t even keep my promise to bring you out on normal dates, for god’s sake."  Jumin laughs cynically. “Why would someone like you be in love with me? I have nothing but requirements that attract gold diggers. No wonder only those kind of creatures chase after me.”

“I strongly disagree!” She furiously says. “There are so many things about you that others fail to see! There’s so much warmth and care inside you, and I’m grateful that I got the privilege to be loved by someone as wonderful as you,” Leaning in, she presses their foreheads together and murmurs brokenly, “Isn’t this more than enough proof? You care about me so much that you get scared you’re hurting me, but you aren’t. You are not hurting me.”

“It’s only because you don’t know. I’m just a weak person who has to fight away twisted thoughts, after all.” Jumin returns her confession with a dark gaze. A part of him wants her to simply leave his miserable self, but his hands refuse as they desperately cling onto her shoulders; squeezing the flesh roughly. “Maybe I often dream about us being locked up, because the thoughts of locking you inside my world and never letting you go are still swarming inside my head. It is probably my deepest desire, aren’t you scared of it?”

“You shouldn’t talk about things that aren’t absolute…” His lover reminds, desperately. “You never imprisoned me, nor caged me. I married you because I love you, I chose to stay because I love you. You’ve been nothing but loving and affectionate.”

“No.” Jumin shakes his head and stands up, leaving his wife crouching on the ground as her eyes widen in disbelief. “They told me I have to set you free.”

“Who— Han Jumin! Are you leaving me?!”

“I’m not leaving you. I’m setting you free.” Jumin states coldly as he heavily drags his feet away.  “That is what I must do if I want you to be happy.”

“Quit joking around, Jumin!” A pair of arms suddenly secured itself around his stomach, stopping Jumin from taking another step further.  “I was never locked up to be set free so please,” her voice waivers as it goes almost quite, a contrast to how tight her clutch is. “Please don’t leave me.”

But Jumin says nothing to her plea.

Instead, he harshly breaks away and dashes towards the door, slamming it loudly as he leaves; not even once turning around to face his wife, knowing his resolve will only dissolve if he does so.

 

 

-

 

 

Jihyun, are you in Seoul now?

 

 

Seoul at night is glowing in vibrant colors, despite the bone-chilling weather, as though the city itself never sleeps. Fluorescent light flickers in blurry as the car pass through the highway, shimmering like starry night sky that rarely appears during winter.

It reminds him of her eyes, how the always sparkle whenever he looks at her.

“Sir.” Driver Kim calls, pulling him out of trance. “Are you planning to explore the city this late?”

At times like this, Jumin curses his lack of driving skill.

“I don’t know.” He says honestly. “I’m still trying to contact my friend.”

“Alright. Do you perhaps want to visit Ma’am’s favorite coffee shop while waiting? They open for 24 hours.”

Jumin turns his head at the new information. “My wife’s…? You know where it is?”

The elder replies with a light chuckle. “Yes I do, Sir. It’s located in a pretty secluded area. Ma’am never goes there by herself though, she always asks me to buy if for her. Double Chocolate Chip Crème Frappuccino especially for days when Sir has to stay up late at the office. She apologized furiously the first time she asked me to buy it for her, saying she feels bad, and I told her that I’m simply doing my job.”

“I can picture her doing that.” Jumin laughs fondly. “Take me to that place, please.”

 

 

Yes. Currently at home, actually.

How are you doing?

 

 

I’m doing well, thank you for asking.

How about you?

 

 

“Ma’am is always very nice, she always talks so kindly about you, Sir.” The chauffeur continues, a content smile graces his face that has aged with time. “She would sometimes invite me to drink tea with her, asking some of your childhood stories. She always look so excited, and it makes this old man happy knowing you’ve met the right woman.”

“Yes, she’s indeed lovely.” Jumin agrees, more to himself than to the latter. A smile unconsciously made its way to his lips, despite how his heart clenches with every mention of his lover.

 

 

It’s all well on this side too.

Did something happen?

 

 

No.

 

 

Yeah right.

 

 

“Mr. Kim, can you tell me more?”

“If Sir, wants to, of course I will.” The elder replies, droopy eyes twinkling with excitement. “You always have this affectionate look whenever someone talks about her.”

“I do, don’t I?” Jumin humbly admits. The glimmering light gradually turns into small dots in distance as they drive away from the lively city to a less populated area.

“Yes Sir, but so does Ma’am. I told her about that one time when the traffic was horrendous even though it wasn’t rush hour, and how you, forgive me, kept on grumbling and whining like a child. I told Ma’am it must because you wanted to see her so much. My old self is probably way too assuming, but her smile was both sincere and yearning.”

“Yearning.” Jumin repeats, voice shaking lightly.

“Yearning, Sir.” The elder confirms, with certainty that’s missing from Jumin’s voice. “Ma’am has a bright smile, but whenever you are away, she always looks lonely— oh! I have talked too much, here we are!” He cries in joy as he pulls over from the main road. “Almost missed it!”

Jumin peeks outside to find an old building with briquette wall. It’s neither big nor extravagant, but he can see how neat and well-arranged the decorations are through the huge glass windows, which gives it a warm and homey feel. There are multiple old paintings and plates lining up on the wall, along with some withered flowers that are hung upside down. A wooden board is situated just above the entrance door, with only a flickering yellow lamp illumines it for passerby to see.

The sign reads: **Dandelion** _._

_It’s her favorite flower._

“What does Sir want me to buy?” Driver Kim asks as he unfastens his seat belt.

“My wife’s usual order, please.”

 

 

Okay I lied.

I messed up. I fucking messed up.

I hurt her.

I don’t deserve her.

 

 

So much for doing well, huh?

 

 

“Mr. Kim… what would you do if you find out someone that’s so dear to you will be much happier without you?” Jumin asks as soon as the chauffeur comes back, a cup of coffee in his wrinkly hand. He hands it to Jumin, which he gratefully takes, before getting on the driver seat again.

Driver Kim contemplates for a moment, seeking for an answer, as he starts the engine.

“How do you know they will be much happier with you, Sir?”

“Because… you are the source of their sadness.” Jumin mutters longingly. “Would you leave them so they’ll be truly happy?”

The driver shakes his head, “Sir, shouldn’t you stay by their side and be responsible until they’re happy again?”

“But again, what if I’m the source of their sadness?” Jumin retorts weakly. “One can’t simply walk his way back home, right?”

“Sir, I’ve known you from when you were only a little, curious child. You might seem cold, but always knows how to overcome difficulty better than others, and there is no way you would ever hurt someone that you cherish.”

 

 

I’m sorry.

Can I visit..?

 

 

Don’t apologize.

The door is always open for my stupid best friend.

 

 

“Lastly, forgive me for being nosy, Sir,” Driver Kim adds with a knowing smile, “But I know _she_ will always be more than glad to welcome you home.”

 

 

-

 

 

“You look like a mess.”

“Thank you for the flattering compliment.”

Jihyun laughs and steps aside to let his best friend in. Jumin excuses himself, immediately navigating towards the living room. The apartment still looks the same as the last time he visited, simple yet elegant. There are Jihyun’s own photographs hanging on the walls, along with miscellaneous souvenirs that he gathered from his trips abroad.

“You should give Mr. Kim a raise, you know, for making him drive at such odd hour.” Jihyun appears a moment later with a cup of tea, and carefully places it on the table.

It’s Chamomile.

“I’m planning to.” Jumin replies disgruntledly, following his best friend to sit on the couch. “I’m sorry for visiting at such odd hour.”

“Told you, the door will always be open for my stupid best friend.” Jihyun ensures. “Do you want to talk now?”

Jumin stares at his own reflection on the tea and cringes. Simply _“a mess”_ would be an understatement for his current appearance. Jihyun must have been polite with his opinion.

“No, I don’t think I can now. I need some time to organize my mind.”

“Alright, then,” Jihyun stands up and pats Jumin’s shoulder lightly. “You know where the guest room is. Drink the tea so you can sleep better. I’ll be in the studio upstairs if you need me, got a deadline to catch up with.”

Jumin replies with a grateful smile. “Thanks, Jihyun.”

As soon as his best friend leaves, Jumin shrinks into the sofa. The silence offers no solace and instead, all awful things that he had said to his lover start to resonate in the empty room.

Cowering as his chest twists painfully in guilt, Jumin decides fresh water might can do something, and sluggishly gets up. He immediately turns the faucet on once he’s in the bathroom; splashing the cold water at his face in hope it would also bring some common sense.

But of course it does nothing.

Jumin clutches on the sides of the sink for support as his breathing becomes short, and rises his head up to look at the mirror.

He only sees the demon.

It’s hard to breathe, knowing the person who makes it easy is not around, knowing the person who would gently rub him back to sleep is not there.

But it’s all his fault, and no one but him shall shoulder the scorching guilt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m sorry, please forgive me

(He types, although it stays as draft)

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night, Jumin dreams.

 

 

He finally opens the cage, and his lover doesn’t even spare a glance before leaving; flying away to where Jumin can no longer see her.

 

 

_“Can you even still call her your lover?”_

 

 

Deep inside, under the protection of his rib cages, his heart aches so much to the point where it no longer wants to beat.

 

 

Maybe this is what a heartbreak feels like.

 

 

 

And the demon only laugh at him mockingly.

 

 

 

_“That’s exactly what you did to her, stupid human.”_

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

**< H O N E S T Y  >**

 

 

 

Jumin wakes up to a private message from his assistant. Groaning, he buries his face into the pillow.

Right. He still has work.

 

 

V told me.

Don’t even dare to show up at the office, Mr. Han.

Finish what you have to finish first.

I’ll tell the company that you are on sick leave.

 

 

Jumin rubs his eyes to make sure they aren’t deceiving him. Jaehee actually excusing him from work is a rare occasion, since it’s usually him that does the job to excuse himself from responsibilities.

 

 

Thank you, Assistant Kang.

 

 

I have a rock as a boss, what can I do.

If Zen hears about this, he’ll personally

murder you, you know.

And I’ll gladly offer him a hand.

Please excuse my rudeness and let me say one more thing.

 

 

You’ve already called me a rock

and threatened to murder me.

But, go on.

 

 

Your smile is the most genuine when you are with her.

And she’s the brightest when she’s with you.

 

 

-

 

 

“Good morning.”

Jumin replies with a nod, quietly pulling a chair so he can take a seat. It’s not snowing anymore outside, but the sky is gloomy, covered with thick gray clouds that prevents any ray of light from piercing through it. He wonders if she’s looking at the sky too now, if she’s sitting by the window longing for freedom.

Though the honest voice inside him wants her to long for him to come home.

Jumin decides to get comfortable by planting his face into the dining table, and proceeds to let out an exasperated sigh. Jihyun shakes his head lightly at his best friend’s pitiful state as he prepares another cup of coffee. He pushes it to Jumin once he’s done, and pats his head as if he is a sad, weeping dog.

“There, there.”

Jumin grumbles without looking up. “It smells nice.”

“Thanks, I brew it myself.” Jihyun hums, sipping on his coffee. “I’ve already told her that you are here, by the way.”

At that, Jumin snaps his head up, so fast that he is sure he hears a crack.

“What?” He cleverly asks. 

Jihyun puts his cup down and looks at his best friend sternly. “She’s worried sick, Jumin, of course I have to tell her.”

Jumin lowers his head down, opting to have a staring contest with his coffee. _Maybe this could become a good hobby._

“Is that so…”

“Don’t you miss her?”

“I do.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Because,” Jumin clenches his fists. “It’s not something that I can fix simply by coming back.”

Jihyun sighs, mindlessly stirring his coffee with a spoon. “You know, I understand how you feel, being so deeply in love with someone that you feel like you will suffocate them. And in that spur moment of despair, you push them away instead, thinking it will be better for them, only to realize you are wrong after leaving.”

Jumin stays silent.

“I think I have a vague idea of what might bother you.” Jihyun continues. “You are worried that the stereotype people have on her will hurt her, right? And you think it’s all because she chose you.”

“How did you—“

“Jumin, you are practically a celebrity. Sometimes articles about you and her pop up on news portals. I think I read the one that mentioned how your wife is actually the heir of a famous company in Norway, and the real reason why you marry her is because you want to expand your business there.”

Jumin scoffs and plants his face into the table again.

“Spot on, aren’t they?” Jihyun chuckles. “Han Jumin marrying someone for the sake of business, that’s as ridiculous as Zen getting a cat just for fun without dying in the process.”

Jumin cracks a weak smile at that.

“Actually, I first overheard my employees talking about her.” He confesses, cheek squished against the table as he rolls his head to the side. “They talk as if she used dirty ways to charm me, or something akin to that, so I would marry her. They degraded her, putting her on the same level as those shameless gold diggers. They didn’t know that even after we got married, she never once asked me to buy her something. She always says that she simply wants me home as soon as possible.”

Jihyun hums in respond, propping his head up on the table with his elbows. “That’s cute.”

“I know.” Jumin replies, smiling fondly at the memory. 

“You should pay them no mind, though. I’m sure she’s ignoring those internet articles too. Some people do feed on spreading rumors, after all.”

“Actually,” Jumin’s face turns sour as he recalls yesterday incident. “I think they do bother her. I asked her if she ever goes out of the apartment complex, and she admitted that she never did. It’s partially my fault because I told her to always bring bodyguards, despite knowing that she doesn’t like attention. But,” He leans back and runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “It’s dangerous outside. What if there are people who try to kidnap her, knowing she’s my wife? Or what if there are reporters who recognize her and chase after her? Without bodyguards, no one will protect her, and it’s not like I can always accompany her.”

“I never really consider that kidnapping possibility, I thought your only concern is the reporters.” Jihyun admits regretfully. “Sometimes I forget I have a billionaire as a best friend.”

“You are one as well, Jihyun. And yes, they do count as my concern.” Jumin sighs. “And because of that… I can never offer her a normal relationship. I do want to take her on normal dates, the way people usually do it. Holding hands on the street, buying commoner foods— whatever people usually do. But can you ever be normal with me? I’m pretty sure the idea itself is laughable.”

Jihyun crosses his hands on his chest, seemingly to be in deep thoughts. Jumin opts to stare at his miserable self as it is reflected on pristine cup, until his face slowly contorts in disgust. Even now, his whole body is aching to hug her. Every inch of him is missing her so, so terribly that his lungs feel heavy.

He just really wants to go home.

“Jumin, just consider this an old friend advice, yeah?” Jihyun breaks the silence, and Jumin’s head perks at that. “You have been married only for two months now, you should give yourself a chance. This is only the beginning of your relationship, and while things are might still hot in the media, it won’t stay boiling. People will cool down and eventually know how much of an amazing person she is, and why you chose her out of all people.”

Jumin’s face softens, and a fond smile made its way to his lips. “You know what? When we came back from honeymoon, there was a mass of reporters there. I told her that she’ll need to get used to that kind of crowd, so she should put herself above everyone’s eyes, and put me in second place. I want her to choose a selfish life where she puts herself over everything else, but more than anyone, I know how much of a selfless person she is.”

Jihyun stares blankly at his best friend, before breaking into a laugh.

“Why are you laughing?” Jumin furrows his eyebrows. “Did I say something funny?”

“No, you’re quite contradictive, Jumin.” Jihyun says in between laughter, and wipes the tears that are gathered in his eyes before explaining. “Actually, both of you are so clueless. You did tell her about the kind of life that will welcome her, and while she’s trying to adjust to it, you’re trying too hard to be what you assume is normal. But instead of meeting halfway, both of you are straying away from the original path, and end up like now. You might think you can’t offer what you assume is a normal relationship, but what if, simply having you by her side is enough for her?”

The frown in Jumin’s face slowly dissipates as Jihyun’s words sink in.

“You… might be right.” He mumbles. “I was being stupid, weren’t I?”

“Expected from my stupid best friend.” Jihyun smirks teasingly at his best friend’s unamused expression. “I have noticed that the rational best friend of mine always turns into a mess of emotions whenever his beloved comes into the picture.”

“I just want her to be happy!”

“ _Both_ of you want each other to be happy.” Jihyun fixes, emphasizing the first word. “You see, I know why you fell for her. She’s smart, hardworking, and beautiful. She’s doing what she thinks is right for you to be happy, and so are you. It’s just both of you let strangers intervene too much. A relationship is a special tie between you and and your significant other, not how people perceive it.”

Jumin grumbles and hits his head against the table, shocking Jihyun in the process. He smiles at the latter’s childish behavior that he rarely sees since Jumin prefers to stick with the untouchable persona. It baffles him how can one person turn Jumin into a puddle of goo, but he supposes it’s not that bad of a change.

It’s good to see him learning new emotions.

“What do I do now? I’ve already committed a grave mistake. She probably hates me.” Jumin wails sadly, refusing to lift his head up.

“She wouldn’t sound so broken if she does.” Jihyun rises from his seat, and walks around the dining table to give Jumin an encouraging pat on his back.

“Go back to where she needs you the most, Jumin. Go back to her side.”

 

 

-

 

 

The sun has set when he steps into the penthouse, leaving a gleam of pale orange mixed with maroon to lighten the living room up. Jumin quietly walks in and sinks onto the sofa, familiarizing himself with the thick solitariness.

_What should I tell her?_

There was a time when he thought feelings will only lead to unnecessary complications, there was a time when loneliness was a part of him, there was a time when he thought someone like him falling in love would be a terrible joke, knowing that the only person who understood him would never be his. There was a time when he’d think his father is a fool for surrendering to his own feelings so easily, always so quickly to find love in the mouths of strangers, only for them to leave him in a breeze. He used to think only fools would let their emotions be involved in this kind of reality, a life where he’s not even seen as a human, but a mutant that it created to give an impression that perfection exists, with a twisted darkness that’s locked within him.

They have turned into such distance memories, all because one person has graced his life with her presence.

And yet, he listened to the demon instead, and let her go.

“Jumin?”

Jumin turns his head to the source of the voice, and finds his wife standing in the hallway, holding Elizabeth the 3rd in her arms.  He knows how much of a mess he is, but he’s surprised to find out she’s not faring too well either. Prominent dark circles cling under her swollen eyes, and her skin is missing the usual radiance that it has.

It forms a lump of guilt that clogs his throat up.

“J-Jumin? Is that you? I-Is that really you” She stutters, as though not believing her own eyes, and assumes that the man before her is nothing but a part of her sweet dreams.

“It’s me, it really is me.” Jumin smiles lightly and opens his arms.  She puts Elizabeth the 3rd down before rushing to his embrace, straddling and clinging onto him tightly to seek for the solace that she had missed.

“You are here. You really are here.” She manages to say in between her sobs, and Jumin swallows thickly. “I can’t believe you had the audacity to leave me like that. I hate you. I hate you so much.”

“I know I did wrong, and you probably loathe me so much but… will you listen to me?” He asks, gently coaxing her to lift her head up. There are tears streaming down her cheeks and stray strands of hair sticking to her face, but she still makes Jumin’s heart skips a beat.

 _Even like this, she still looks so beautiful, so lost and beautiful, and he is so in love_.

To be this much in love with someone is equal with fighting to breathe; your significant other either steal the air in your lungs for themselves, or they give it back to you so you can continue living.

And she gives him a reason to breathe, even though he’s the one that threw that reason away.

There are so many emotions swimming in the depth of her eyes, and Jumin wants to drown in them, while drowning her in his too.

“Falling in love with you is the best decision I have ever made.” He starts, slowly gathering courage as he continues. _It’s now or never._ “You make me feel happy, the happiest. I never knew this kind of joy exists until I met you. You taught me how to fill my life with warmth, to express gratitude and encouragement toward others with sincerity. You make me feel so loved, and for a while, I thought everything was okay.”

“But then, I finally realized I was being too naïve. It’s not only about me anymore, but about you too. So I began to desperately wish and seek for your happiness. Your smile gives me strength, the only source of my own happiness. It’s such a big dream for someone who don’t even know his own feelings like me, isn’t it? The demon inside me then started to appear in my dreams, telling me to let go of you because one day, I’ll be the source of your sadness, I’ll be the one to hurt you. I didn’t want to believe them at first, until all the proofs that have existed for a long time are glaring at me.”

“I did tell you that one day, you’ll get used to _this,_ to the kind of life I live in. Despite of that, I want you to live a normal life too, a life where you don’t need to worry about what people say, about all the stigma and rumors surrounding you. But I was once again too caught up in my own world, that I simply decided what I thought would be best for you without considering your feelings at all. I went on and thought I have freed you, but— but I was wrong, wasn’t I? You married an incredibly stupid man.”

“At least you acknowledge that.” She smiles weakly, and Jumin returns it with a sheepish smile of his own. He lifts a hand to trace the trail of tears that is left on her cheek; pleased when she leans in to the touch.

“You have turned this man,” Leaning in, Jumin closes his eyes and presses his forehead against hers, “Into a man that is so helplessly in love with you.”

Silence reigns after that, neither soul is willing to break the serenity. Now that he has her back in his arms, Jumin feels oddly light, as though the heavy weight on his shoulders has been lifted. Only she has this kind of power over him.

“Can I… say something too?”

Jumin opens his eyes to her uncertain ones, so he offers a nod that’s soon followed with smile to encourage her to speak.

“It’s not like I don’t want it. All of this, this kind of life—” She pauses, taking a deep breath. Jumin rubs her waist with his thumb to soother her, and she smiles gratefully in return.

“I know very well how concerned you are of my safety, but a part of me is terrified. Not only of the attention, but their judgment too. I always try to satisfy my curiosity, but listening to them always leave me speechless, and I hate that feeling because it reminds me of how much I don’t deserve you, that there are better people out there for you. What am I going to do with my feelings if one day you leave me, realizing that I’m not worth it? The thought alone kills me.”

“And now I know that I should have never cared. You are the only person that I need to remind how loved he is. As long as you know about my true feelings, I shouldn’t even bother trying to prove myself to others. All I have to do is focus on this stupid man before me, because he always forgets to love himself when he’s too busy thinking over my happiness. Without ever knowing that he is my happiness. You are my happiness, Jumin, don’t leave me like that ever again.”

A teardrop falls one after another from her eyes. Her lower lip trembles lightly before she bites it, finding herself unable to speak more as the surge of emotions overwhelms her sense.

“Even if I do have wings, they aren’t made to fly away from you.” She whispers weakly through her tears, voice thick with desperation. Jumin swallows his pride and crumbles with her as he tightens his hold. “Those wings are meant to take you with me, Jumin. Let’s see how the world look from the sky one day, _together,_ okay?”

Jumin only responds with a nod as he buries his face on her shoulder. She doesn’t talk about her feelings a lot, and tends to bottle it up instead while silently watching over him. Relief is the only word that can explain how he feels right now, after so greedily devouring every bit of honesty that had trapped both of them.

And he finally finds his reason to breathe again.

“We were being stupid, weren’t we?” She mutters after a while, voice muffled by Jumin’s shirt.

“Yes.” Jumin replies with a light chuckle. “From now on, let’s just let them talk while we focus on each other.”

“Right.” Pulling away, she smiles briefly before rewarding her husband with a kiss on his forehead. “Welcome home, Jumin.”

Jumin simply stares, taken aback, before pulling her into his embrace again; desperate to have her close, not letting even an inch of space to separate them.

“I’m home.” He whispers hoarsely, and repeats, “I’m home.”

“Jumin?”

“Yes?”

“I have an idea.”

 

 

-

 

 

That night, Jumin dreams.

He’s standing alone in the middle of a vast, lifeless savanna.  There are scratches and bruises all over his bare feet, it is as if he had gone through a long journey until it reached to this point. He simply stands until a foreign voice orders him to close his eyes, and he complies.

He waits and waits, but nothing happens. He still closes his eyes in spite of the growing uncertainty deep inside, and how his feet are starting to ache from standing still too long.

He waits and waits, until a pair of warm hands cup his face, and a familiar voice tells him to open his eyes. He is greeted with a smile that rivals the sun, and joy that magically heals all of his wounds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“I have found you,”_

 

 

_“…You are my home.”_

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

**< W I N G S  >**

 

 

 

Jumin takes big steps towards his wife’s walk-in closet, only to stop dead in front of the closed door. His hands are so uncomfortably clammy due to the nervousness, while his heart is in no better state as it races quickly in his chest. He grumpily wipes the sweat off of his hands with a handkerchief, before finally gathering the bravery to knock when—

“Jumin, I can hear noisy rustling sound and I know it’s you. Come in, I’m done changing.”

Jumin flinches, laughing sheepishly as he opens the door. He doesn’t really know what to expect, so a loud gasp slips past his lips as the view welcomes him.

His lover is standing in middle of the room, smiling at Jumin through the full-length mirror. She’s wearing a black backless dress, with her long brown hair styled in a simple up do; revealing a pair of majestic black wings that spreads on her shoulder blades.

“You look so beautiful.” Jumin murmurs, eyes widen in awe. His wife only replies with a chuckle and beckons him to come closer, in which Jumin does. He lifts a hand to trace the tattoo once he’s close enough, admiring how well drawn the details are that it truly looks like wings.

“It looks so beautiful on you, angel. It still amazes me doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen it.” He compliments sincerely before pressing a light kiss on her nape. “It suits you so much. I can spend my whole life praising it.”

“Will it be okay for me to bare this tattoo like this though?” She asks worriedly. “You know how people might view it…"

Jumin sneaks his arms around her waist as their focus falls on their own reflection.

“What do you see?”

She tilts her head and scrunches her face in confusion. “I see… Us?”

“I’m seeing an angel.” Jumin corrects, smiling fondly. “Let them know that an angle has descended and chose me, that Han Jumin is the luckiest man alive to be able to marry heaven’s best angel.”

Scarlet glows on her cheeks, and a shy smile blooms like flowers during spring. Jumin hums in satisfaction as he plants a kiss on her temple.

“You look particularly exquisite tonight, especially with your tattoo.” He whispers, deep and suggestive. “So delicate, yet so alluring and provocative.”

“I still think yours is sexier by a mile, though.” She argues, voice thick with mischief. As she turns around to face her lover, she brings her hands to teasingly hover over his lower abdomen, before they travel and settle on the small of his back; her fingertips slowly add the pressure to the covered flesh, in sync with how the innocent smile on her face gradually changes into a seductive one. “Getting a matching tattoo isn’t that bad, is it? I can’t wait to take this suit off later and give yours the love it deserves.”

Jumin growls lowly and pushes her against the nearest wall; dark pupils blown wide as the caged carnal desire breaks out and nearly pollutes his sanity. Leaning in, he grazes his lips against her collarbone, up to the pulse on her neck, until he finally finds purchase on her earlobe. He nibbles on the shell lightly, before proceeding to blow hot air into his wife’s ear, which earns himself a breathless gasp.

“Princess, you know very well not to unleash the beast within me, especially before such important event.” Dropping his voice an octave lower, Jumin continues to wantonly whisper tempting suggestion, “Or we might as well ditch and have fun together, just the two of us, kitten.”

She shudders lightly as the sinful offer leaves her husband’s lips.

“I— We— We should go—”

Jumin hooks a finger under her chin and lifts her face up, planting a passionate kiss on her red lips to untangle the mess of words on her tongue. Her respond is instant; kissing him back with an equal, if not more, amount of vigor. Jumin presses his hand to the exposed skin of her back to pull her closer against him, all while selfishly stealing the small whimpers that left her mouth for himself.

“Are you sure you want to go?” Jumin asks lowly as he pulls away, heavy breaths mingling in the small space between them. “It’s my company annual event. There are going to be reporters and employees and—“

A pair of hands grab his collars to pull him back to another hungry kiss. Jumin has to use the last bit of self-restraint in him to suppress the growing lust that burns his lower abdomen rapidly, even though all he wants to do is to throw her to bed and religiously worship every inch of her sacred skin like a faithful follower he is.

“Let them talk, remember?” She whispers hotly, skin flushed and glowing; giving an illusion of an angel that has submitted herself to her own darkest desires.

 

 

 

 

“Let them talk, while we focus on each other.”

 

 

-

 

 

Spring has come.

The sky is clear, painted in pastel blue with a few strokes of white clouds hanging like cotton candies. The flowers in their private garden have bloomed, filling the greenhouse with more iridescent colors than the usual green.

Jumin takes his wife’s hand and intertwines their fingers as they stand before the glass door that leads outside. It’s an unknown territorial for him, _the commoner world is_ , but he wants to know about her more. What are her favorite streets foods, her favorite stores, her favorite goldfish shaped bread flavor, the places she often visited before— He wants to know everything about her.

“Are you okay with the bodyguards following us?” He asks warily. “They’re not going to follow us closely though, they’re going to keep their distance.”

A cheerful grin brightens her face up in respond to Jumin’s question, and the worry in in him in is instantly replaced by warmth and content.

“I can’t even think about that right now. I’m so happy I can barely stay still.” She confesses, the youthful smile never leaving her face. “I know this really good gopchang place, and oh! There’s this cozy café near Yoosung’s university that serves the best sundae! I need to keep my promise from back then, right?”

Jumin chuckles and presses a kiss to her forehead. “Alright. Don’t laugh at me if I do stupid thing though.”

“Oh I’ll definitely laugh at you.” She giggles and pecks Jumin’s cheek. “I’ll let the world know how adorably clumsy my husband is.”

A warm breeze welcomes them as they step outside. Jumin is about to take a step further when he feels a tug on his hand. Turning around, he is met with her blank face, and fears that she is probably still not ready, after all. Maybe this was a bad idea. Thankfully, they have yet to get out of the apartment complex, have yet to meet other pedestrians, have yet to—

“Want to order fried chicken to see if we can get free coke for dinner tonight?”

“W-what?” Jumin stammers lamely, stupefied by the question.

“Let’s order fried chicken and see if we can get free coke!” she repeats excitedly. “We’re going to stuff ourselves with so many foods today!”

Jumin stares for a moment before mirroring the childish grin on his wife’s face.

“I can’t wait.”

 

 

-

 

 

_(Every crack starts small, before they eventually break into million, even smaller pieces…)_

 

 

 

That morning, he wakes up to an extra, but welcoming weight, on his chest.

“Good morning, polar bear.”

Jumin struggles to open his heavy lids, and his sight becomes blurry for a moment before he rubs his eyes.

“Good morning.” He hoarsely greets, vision becomes clearer as his wife’s smiling face comes into view. “Pretty rare for my sleepy-headed princess to wake up earlier.”

She lets out a giggle in reply; lifting a finger to lightly trace the faint stubble that decorates Jumin’s face. “I want to see my husband’s sleeping face more. You look so young and innocent when you sleep.”

“The same can be said about you, angel.” Jumin offers a lopsided smile as he presses his hands to the curve of her back. “Hmm. I like having you here. Next time you wake up earlier, just stay on top of me. You’re warm.”

She props her head on her elbows, tilting her head slightly to the side as an innocent smile appears.

“You do? You are so cold that I always need to warm you up, what’s the best way than to stay on top of you right?”

Jumin hums in agreement. _Maybe now he won’t make up to an empty bed anymore._

“Besides, I know you always frantically search for me every time I leave the bed first.” She adds, voice falters as her smile turns into a sad one. “At first, I thought it was cute since you always look so bewildered, like a lost child, but then I realized it’s because you are scared. I’m sorry for not noticing sooner.”

Shaking his head, Jumin then lifts a hand to brush her long bangs away from her face. _Maybe it needs a trim._ “Don’t. It wasn’t your fault to begin with.”

“I still feel guilty though!” She whines, opting to bury her face into Jumin’s neck instead as she clings onto him like a koala. “Worry not, love. From now on, I’m going to coddle and pamper you so much that you wouldn’t want to leave the bed.”

“Really?” Jumin raises an eyebrow, lips stretched into a lazy smirk. “How is my princess going to pamper me?”

“Hmm, we can start with a morning kiss.” Placing her hands on each side of Jumin’s head, she scoots up to ghost her lips over her husband’s. “How does that sound?”

 _“Perfect,”_ is Jumin’s only reply before pressing his lips against hers. The kiss is slow, close to innocent, for they are simply enjoying each other’s presence. It’s warm and comforting, like a sun that shines in the midst of snowstorm.

Maybe because she is the sun, and he is the winter that longs for her.

“Baby…” Jumin calls as they pull away slightly. “We have to clear up some rumors one day, they’re way too ridiculous to be let loose. I still don’t get how they came to a conclusion that you own a company in Norway.”

She lets out an airy laugh at that, and it reminds Jumin of one peaceful day in summer. He can almost hear the cicadas singing joyfully, along with children’s laughter as they run across the grass field.

He can’t wait for summer to come. Maybe they can go to a beach together later.

“Yeah. We have to deal with them sooner or later, sooner is better though.”

“Let’s push that aside for now.” Jumin says as he rolls and switches their positions; his wife squeaks in surprise at the sudden action.

“What are you—“

She stops when Jumin’s face turns serious, and instead, swallows the rest of her sentence down. They simply stare at each other, like divers seeking for treasure in a deep ocean even though for them, it’s each other’s emotion that they’re trying to figure out.

“I found you. I’ve finally found you.” Jumin declares out of blue, voice soft and rich with love. “You are my happiness.”

A soft smile blossoms beautifully on his wife’s face.

“Am I?”

“Yes.” Leaning in, Jumin plants a kiss to her forehead. “Seems like the first snow myth is true.”

“Please never push me away ever again then.” She requests, _begs_ , as she lifts her hands to cup Jumin’s face. “Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t.” Jumin states firmly, and repeats, “I won’t,” although it is more to himself.

She then lifts a pinky finger from the space between them, asking,

_“Pinky promise?”_

And Jumin replies with a smile before interlacing their pinky fingers together.

_“Pinky promise.”_

The sound of their laughter echoes in the air, free and light. Jumin wraps his arms around his wife and rolls them to the side, peppering her face with small kisses. She curls up and giggles gleefully at the ticklish feeling, and Jumin’s heart stutters at such adorable sight. He thought it wouldn’t be possible to keep on falling deeper for someone, but she has always proved him wrong.  

“Baby?” Jumin calls as their laughter dies down.

“Hmm?” She replies, a tired yet content smile is on her lips.

“I know a small café that sells a very delicious Double Chocolate Chip Crème Frappuccino. I think it’s called Dandelion. Want to go there?”

The mix of surprise and excitement on her face is priceless.

 

 

 

_(…but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it.)_

**Author's Note:**

> can you guess where jumin's tattoo is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 
> 
> and please bless yourself with btob's i'll be your man. it's such a good song.


End file.
